Carol & Julian good times

Hermit's Rest South Rim of Grand Canyon

 

Dancing at Kirs and Rob's Wedding

TGI Fridays at the Ball Park

Can you believe Julian chef who swears he cannot cook

Schultz Pass Flagstaff

  San Francisco Peaks Flagstaff

Star's Wedding

Hiking in Zion

Julian and Camille's Wedding, San Juan

Indian Gardens, Oak Creek

Yesterday was Julian and my anniversary. It would have been our 11^th.   This blog is in memory of our great times together.  Today is the 6^th month anniversary of Julian’s passing and I miss him so much.  However, it has been fun to search for pictures of us together and add pictures of places we both love.  I went a couple weeks ago to Flagstaff to see the change of seasons.  Our red maple tree that we planted by our front door up there was totally red and beautiful.  The aspens around the peaks were turning yellow.  I really enjoyed going on some hikes and drives to see the fall colors.  I’ve been busy working the past 2 months teaching my first group of nursing students since May.  I was working hard to try to remember how to grade all those papers.  I just finished yesterday and will start teaching another group on Tuesday.  

I think back on our years together and feel so blessed to have the years and the memories.  I miss his hugs, feeling him hold my hand, hearing his laugh and opinions about everything especially politics.  I miss having him to share our love of nature and beauty.   I miss him coming home at 6:10 every night when he was at the office.  I miss coming home from work and finding him outside working on carving a pot.  It was fun to see how much he did each day on the current pot.  He would always ask me what I thought about this curve or that carving technique.  He usually listened and often would even follow my suggestion.  I still feel that he is beside me in bed just at the moment that I'm falling asleep.  I miss every day things like sharing beautiful sunsets, rainbows, rain, our funny backyard birds, my flowers, his artwork or weed pots.  I miss him telling everyone with a twinkle in his eye that he carves "weed" pots.  I miss his jokes and how he always thought I was funny.  I would ask him what I did that is funny, he would say something that didn't seem funny at all to me and probably wouldn't be funny to anybody but him.
I miss sleeping with the windows open, feeling so safe with my Marine.  I will really, really miss singing the Marine Corps Hymn to him on the Marine Corps Birthday.  Well, what the heck, I'll probably sing it anyway because he'll want to hear it even in Heaven. 

Lower Emerald Pool Waterfall after rain

Family Times

Romey, Me, Jules and Grandma Coral

We had many family gatherings, but somehow I forgot to take a picture the one time that everyone was together. This picture was taken when Ryan and Grandma joined us for dinner.  Ryan is very busy working extra hours at Charles Schwab and working at the theater downtown whenever they have a show. 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Traditional Monday Night at Sun Up

I'm having issues with formatting this blog.  1st it wouldn't upload additional pictures and then I cannot get it to allow me to type where I want to.  Oh well, it is no matter, pay no attention to it.  That is a quote from a book that Mom read to us or rather we read together because we would always take turns reading.  The quote has gone down in our family history, always there to remind us not to take things so seriously.

Faye and Kelsea, cousins

Archer and Romey

Romey the dancer

 Romey really loves the Disney movie Tangled about Rapunzel.  She states that the day she came to Phoenix was, "The best day ever!" and we made Hazelnut soup more times than I can count.  I saw it after they left and it is a really fun movie. 

Grandpa Larry with Romey and Archer

We had a great time when Kelsea, Philip, Romey, Archer and Larry came to visit!  The only people missing were Jacki and Julian.  Jacki was just here in May and again in June, so I can't really complain about her absence.  Julian is another matter.  We missed him and I miss him every day.  We had many family gatherings, but somehow I forgot to take a picture the one time that everyone was together.  Larry was here mainly to go up to Strawberry to help his Mom.  Kelsea et.al. went to Strawberry too, but didn't stay as long as Larry.  They also went to Flagstaff and the Grand Canyon and spent 2 weekends in Phx.  I really had a fun playing with the kids.  Romey had my undivided attention for imaginative play. She was sad when they left.  I was amazed at how much Archer matured since he was here in May.  He is talking and not as shy as he was last visit.  I will try to post more pictures from their visit now.

Romey and Grandma Dorothy

Four generations of Romeys

Walkley family go to the Grand Canyon

Mom and I

All the kids like to play the piano with me.  I have been  playing piano a lot lately, using it as part of my grieving to express my feelings.  Their are many songs that seems right now.  Sad songs, love songs, uplifting songs and hymns.  For example I play "Piano Man" by Billy Joel.  These phrases hit a key with me, "Son, can you play me a memory". (my music is playing memories) "I believe this is killing me, as a smile ran away from his face" (sometimes just like that the smile runs away from my face) "We're in the mood for a melody and you've got us feelin all right".  (playing music gets me feeling alright). I like, "let it be" by the Beatles for obvious reasons.  I like "Stormy Weather".  I like the score.  It's fun to play.  The words are sad, however there is a line that gives me endless hope, "All I do is pray the Lord above will let me walk in the sun once more".  It reminds me that after and around grief comes sunshine and happiness.

Larry's Mom's yard in Strawberry

Till the next visit, dance on Romey!  

California Dreaming

Me on Cliff trail at Capitola

I'm trying to settle into my new life without Julian. It's tough, but I'm doing OK. His work is all around me in our house and that is comforting. I often feel he's still here, especially when I am falling asleep, and around dinner time when he is due home from the office. I went on a trip with my Mom to California and I had the urge to call him each day to check in. I did call our home number several times just to hear his voice which is still on the answering machine, crazy huh!  Actually, maybe not so crazy because  Faye was very upset when she called and didn't hear his voice. She thought I had taken his voice off.   She said, I feel so sad but I understand that you have to take it off sometime.  I just have a backup message system now through Cox which kicks in when I'm on the phone and don't click over.
I have been forcing myself to do things but actually planning things is the hardest. Many friends and family have been around or have invited me places. This is good. The California trip was the first thing that I actually planned. I wanted to go, but it seemed so complicated. It really wasn't and we had a great time. We stopped at my cousin Gayle's house in West Covina on the way to San Francisco. We spent almost a week my sister Diane's house in Pleasant Hill. Diane and Bill took Mom and I to Napa, Capitola Beach and across the bay to Fisherman's Wharf. On the way home we stopped at Santa Maria to see my Uncle Dick (really my cousin, but he is just a few years younger than my Dad and they spent most of their summers together growing up). We also got to see my cousin Yvonne and meet her new husband Mike. Then we stopped in West Covina with Gayle and Bill before heading home to Phoenix.

This is one view of my sister Diane's yard.  It is large and she loves to garden.  It is always relaxing to spend time with Diane.  We always feel loved and taken care of.  She and Bill have recently finished remodeling the house and it was great to see all the  upgrades.  The kitchen, family room, old bathroom have all been dramatically changed.  I didn't think to take pictures inside.  The old bathroom now feels like you are showering outside.  The tile is rainbow shades of green, there is a sky light  and a big plant in the shower which tickles your hum-hum and flowers on the counter.
 

Mom, Bill, Billy and Diane in garden

Diane and Bill take 2 walks every day.  It gets them and Quinoa their dog out of the house.  Here we are hiking in a very large park nearby their house.  It is typical California landscape with rolling hills,  large old oaks.  There is a section that is an old walnut grove because this used to be a ranch.  Above is Diane with Quinoa.  He is a golden retriever and is trained quite well (or maybe that is Diane and Bill who are trained) except when he sees another dog.  Then he just takes off, won't listen and wants to play.  For example he finds and brings in the paper each day and after eating he brings his food bowl into the kitchen to be washed then when Diane says "door" he goes back and closes the door! 

Another view of Diane's yard

Flowers in Diane's yard

You may wonder why they can have so much green grass when Calif is often in drought.  Well, they get irrigation like I do, but it comes in a special water system instead of flood irrigation like I have.  They can set up the sprinklers to water whenever they like.  I think this area was agricultural, but I'm not sure.  I don't think that it is usual for California, but her whole neighborhood has this type of irrigation! 

Stay tuned for many great California adventures in the next blog, Fisherman's Wharf, the wine country and the beach! 

Memorial trip to North Rim and Zion

 Faye, Javier and family took me with them on a trip to the North Rim of and Canyon and Zion National Park.  The Canyon and Zion are Julian's all time favorite places to hike and enjoy the big outdoors. His wish was to return.  We did our best to start to grant that wish on this trip.  He returned in our footsteps.  We remembered him and his love for this country. My goal is to do another trip to the Canyon and Zion next summer taking along more children and family.   This picture was taken on the Watchman trail overlooking Zion Canyon just above the mile long tunnel. 

The group at the North Rim.  The mountain far and faint in the background above Maceo and Niko's heads is San Francisco Peaks.  You can't tell it in this size picture, but we could see snow on the top from this far away!   Left to right is Nathan, Faye, Carol, Maceo, Niki, Javier and Jules.  I think that I also embedded a slide show in this blog.  We shall see if that worked.  

 There are many AZ natives who have never seen the Grand Canyon. Non-native Julian could never see enough of it.  He hiked up and down many of its trails

 Nana and Jules with lichen covered sandstone in the background.  I have always liked lichen.  It comes in many colors:  various shades of greens, yellows and oranges.  It grows very slowly (maximum 1mm per year).  I think they are fungus and algae which grow together on rocks or trees. 

Notice we are missing Nathan and Niko here.  They were sick this day and stayed in the room.  We really missed them.   The night before Niko and Nathan spent huddled over trash cans.  Three or 4 times that night someone would throw up and Jules would wake up and cry.  Being a school nurse,  I'm certainly used to children vomiting, but I felt slightly nauseated also the next day.  We blame it all on Jules who threw up once and was not herself for a day before we left on the trip.

 Faye, Javier with Jules asleep and Lower Emerald waterfall in the background.  I have seen this waterfall fill up that whole ledge after a rain.  We also got to see Steve (who married Faye and Javier) and Deb while we were in Springdale (the little town outside Zion).  It was great seeing them again. 

 This flower is growing in this sandstone.

This is Jules perched all by herself on a rock overlooking Zion Canyon

Julian's Memorial Service and Gathering of Friends

 It meant the world to me and I know to Julian also that the Marine Corps Honor Guard presented the flag at the beginning of the service.  Being a Marine meant a lot to him.  He had a Marine temperament.  He was brave, careful, meticulous and without fear up to the end.  He was on the Marine Corps rifle team and then ran the rifle range at Parris Island during the Korean War.  He carried his rifle to high school every day to practice.  My, that was a different day and age.  Now you get kicked out if you even bring a toy gun to school!   "Some people live an entire lifetime wondering if they've made a difference in the world, Marines don't have that problem." ~ President Ronald Regan.  Thanks, Marines for your service.  They came an hour before the service to make sure that the flag was folded correctly (it wasn't) and that everything would go smoothly.  That tells you a lot about why the Marines are the best. 

The memorial service was at our church, First United Methodist on Central and Missouri in Phoenix.  We (meaning my family) visited it soon after it was built in 1952 when my grandparents were here visiting from Australia after Jacki was born.  I think my Grandfather who was a  Methodist missionary in the outback of Australia when he was young wanted to see the stained glass windows.  The stained glass windows at First Church are beautiful and inspirational.  Small world that years later it ended up being our church (My Mom goes there also).  I couldn't have planned the service without the help of Nancy in the church office. I didn't know what to do or how to start, she did.   Much moral and emotional support was given to us by Rev John Flowers who visited in the hospital and Rev Karen Vannoy who lead the service.  My good friend Don Benton who is also a Methodist Minister also helped plan and took part in the service.  Don and his wife Jana were Stephen Ministers with me  years ago and they also knew Julian.  

The Marines folding the flag

"To observe a Marine, is inspirational. To be a Marine, is exceptional." ~ GySgt Charles F. Wolf, Jr.

Nick Newberry gave a wonderful tribute to Julian's work as an architectural illustrator

Kelsea Walkley tied her memories of her Uncle Julian to faith and God's creation.  Julian didn't go to church very often, however, in recent years even before he got the cancer diagnosis he was walking his own faith journey.  Some of our closest times as a couple were when we took turns saying a blessing each night before we ate.  I wish I could have a tape recording of how he pronounced the word blessings in his southern accent.  It always touched me.  Somehow praying out loud together and discussing our deepest concerns and blessings helped us feel so close.  The last months of his life he told me over and over that he felt at peace and was not afraid.  He didn't quote John 14:27, but that verse was basically what he told me over and over again.  I am at peace, I am not afraid.  Part of that verse says, "Do not let your hearts be troubled".  He told Faye over and over again that he wanted to know that I would be OK.  I told him a couple days before he died that I would miss him, but that I would be OK.  I think he was waiting for that reassurance from me that I would be OK.  I will be OK and am trying very hard to not let my heart be troubled. 

Julian talked for the children and told some funny stories of his Dad including a story of how his Dad taught him very important things such as how to lie when necessary.  Just a side note on that; Julian always told me, "if you are ever pulled over and asked if you have had anything to drink, always say, No, Sir."

 Kelly offered up a prayer. As long as I have known Julian he has wanted to have a closer relationship with her.   It has been wonderful that we have got to see Kelly so much over the past few years and that they got to make up for lost time.  It meant so much to Julian.  Not the same as those missed childhood years I know, but wonderful none the less.  Kelly is one of the strongest and inspirational people I know and she has given me strength.  Kelly sent us a book called, "The Red Sea Rules".  We took turns reading it out loud each night before bed.  It was very helpful for the cancer journey.  Some of the most important rules for us were: "Realize that God means for you to be where you are", "Envision God's enveloping presence" and "View your current crisis as a faith builder for the future".  You will have to read the book to  learn the other rules.  Thanks Kelly and Happy Birthday on June 20th!  We now move on the the Gathering of Friends celebration at our home.  I really enjoyed this time with family and friends from near and far. I loved seeing the kids playing and having fun together.  I loved time individually and in groups with all who attended.  It was very magical and healing.  I cherish the times with those who were here before to help get ready after including Faye and Javier, Kirsten, Jacki, Larry, Kelsea, Sean and girls, Ryan, Nick and May.  Julian's 3 sisters Dawn, Jeannine and Linda entertained us all with their stories. It was great that a few out -of -towners were able to stay till the next day including Julian and Camille, Star and Blaine and Virginia.   I loved our afternoon tea time when we could relax and enjoy each others company.  Those who provided comfort food are too many to mention, but the choir and friends from church and Stephen Ministry, Camille's Mom Reiko, the Gonzalez family and May were big contributors.  Thank you all.  You are blessings in my life. 

Sean and Jules

Rowan

Making mud pies

The sisters table

Aubee and Rowan

Mom

Airah and Dylan

Bailey and Jules

Yours truly and Kelsea

Jacki

Telling stories the day after